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I’ve been hesitant to mention him—the special someone who entered my life seven months ago. All I willing to admit is that he is very special to me. Part of me feels that even acknowledging this budding relationship might jinx it, but life is full of risks, and the worst I’d have to do is delete this post!

I really admire him. He came to this country young, barely speaking the language, if at all. After a difficult marriage and divorce, he ended up raising his two children alone. He is fiercely independent, highly responsible and he has worked tirelessly to provide and care for his children.

From what I understand, he hasn’t had many relationships and had mostly resigned himself to staying single. I reached out to him online, finding his profile intriguing—though it was an old one he might not have responded to me if not for a nudge from his coworkers. We started talking at a challenging time in my life, and met in person a few weeks later. He’s been here with me through it all, seven months strong.

He’s quiet and reserved with his thoughts and feelings. He doesn’t shower me with empty compliments or flowers, but he’ll say something simple and heartfelt that melts me. When I told him I was upset and needed a hug, he stopped everything, came over, and held me until I stopped crying. He rarely arrives empty-handed, always bringing food, drink or both. I asked to be part of his family life, and he welcomed me in. He has been always been thoughtful, considerate, patient and kind to me. I shouldn’t be so surprised but I am….

Is he perfect? Not at all—but neither am I! Am I smitten? Absolutely.

Is this what Peace feels like?

Tonight, as I was re-reading some of my previous posts, I realized something has shifted within me emotionally. Could this be peace? I find myself in a good place, feeling calm without that nagging sense of dread that used to weigh on me. But have my circumstances really changed? The truth is, they haven’t. Everything around me remains the same.

Does this newfound calm mean that I’m suddenly confident and self-assured? Not exactly. I’m still the same person with the same uncertainties. However, I’ve been spending time with someone who presents a state of calmness and self-confidence, and perhaps some of those qualities have started to rub off on me. Whatever the cause, this change feels wonderful. I feel calm, peaceful, and happy, and it’s a state I’m grateful to experience.

Moments

Life is made up of moments—bookended by birth and death, with the dash in between holding it all together. We all have childhood memories that shaped who we are, and moments in life that filled us with joy—a special birthday, Christmas, or holiday, a wedding day, perhaps the birth of a child. And there are those moments that brought deep sorrow. I remember the assassinations of President Kennedy, his brother Bobby, and Dr. Martin Luther King. I remember our national tragedy, the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001. So many moments leave lasting impressions on our lives.

Yet, some of the most impactful moments involve births and deaths. The birth of a child transforms you completely, while the death of a loved one can bring overwhelming sadness. I was taken by surprise by the grief I felt when I lost someone. In the weeks after my mother’s death, I found myself unexpectedly in tears. I say “unexpectedly” because, for reasons I’ve discussed before, I wasn’t close with my mother. I grieve not for her, but for the relationship we never had.

At her funeral, I wondered about the person others were describing—how they spoke of her as a wonderful person, someone who had greatly influenced their lives and would be sorely missed. That was not the woman I knew. As irreverent as it may sound, she was never someone I could rely on, either as a child or an adult. Who was this stranger they mourned? She wasn’t the person I had known.

No, I don’t grieve for the person she was, but for the relationship that never existed.

Escape

It’s heart-wrenching to witness loved ones and friends facing life’s challenges, and feeling utterly helpless to assist them. Whether it’s family strife, financial troubles, or their personal battles I’ve been entrusted with, I understand the profound pain, sadness, and confusion that can leave you paralyzed, unsure of the next step. The advice I’ve received, though difficult to accept, urges me to keep moving forward, even if it is feels like only a tiny step. I need maintain a real perspective, stay present in the moment and out of my head. They tell you, care of yourself physically with rest, exercise and good food. And at times I have sought professional. And I suppose, over time, they do aid in healing. But when you feel stuck, you feel stuck, and breaking free feels insurmountable.

At times, the darkness seems all-consuming. Yet, even when the light at the end of the tunnel is imperceptible, fighting to emerge into that light is crucial. The key is to keep forging ahead, and keep telling yourself tomorrow will be a better day.

May we never go back into those dark places from which one fought so hard to escape.

Home

Have you ever encountered a location that resonated so deeply, that you know it’s where you truly belong? For me, that special place is Dublin. With Saint Patrick’s Day on the horizon, the longing to return has intensified. I refer to it as home because, to me, Dublin embodies that comforting sense of belonging. I really miss the sights, sounds, people, green grass, and history. The craving to be back is like a physical ache.

Dublin is Where My Heart is Thus Home

Suffer

“To Suffer Terribly & to Know Yourself as the Cause that is Hell“

Jorden Peterson

Have You Read

Did Gary Chapman’s groundbreaking book, “The Five Love Languages,” make it’s debut in 1992? WOW how time fly’s! I believe this publication has help transform how individuals perceived interpersonal relationships. I encountered it years ago, as a mandatory reading while in marriage counseling during my first marriage. It was strongly recommended in counseling sessions during my second marriage, though my second husband, did not read past the first chapter.

I personally delved into the book on both occasions and revisited it about a year ago. At the very least, the book assists in pinpointing factors that contribute to happiness, contentment, and fulfillment within a relationship. Recently, I revisited the self-assessment test at the book’s conclusion. Once again, Words of Affirmation emerged as my primary language of love. Acts of Service and Physical Touch, trailing slightly behind Words of Affirmation, claimed the positions of my secondary love languages.

I am uncertain to the validly of Dr. Chapman’s theory on “filling up your partner’s tank,” however he has sold a significant of books and marriage counselors recommend his book. In case you haven’t read his book and just want to take his self assessment test at the end I thought I would share it.

The test comprises 30 pairs of statements, necessitating the selection of only one statement from each pair. Jot down the corresponding letter for your choice and, at the conclusion, tally the occurrences of each letter. Your primary love language is determined by the letter with the highest score, while others rank accordingly based on their importance. If one or more languages closely trail but score lower than your primary, they become your secondary love language(s).

The Five Love Languages Test
By Dr. Gary Chapman
Read each pair of statements and choose the one that best describes you.

A. I like to receive notes of affirmation from you.
E. I like it when you hug me.

B. I like to spend one‐on‐one time with you.
D. I feel loved when you give me practical help.

C. I like it when you give me gifts.
B. I like taking long walks with you.

D. I feel loved when you do things to help me.
E. I feel loved when you hug or touch me.

E. I feel loved when you hold me in your arms.
C. I feel loved when I receive a gift from you.

B. I like to go places with you.
E. I like to hold hands with you.

A. I feel loved when you acknowledge me.
C. Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me.

E. I like to sit close to you.
A. I like it when you tell me that I am attractive.

B. I like to spend time with you.
C. I like to receive little gifts from you.

D. I know you love me when you help me.
A. Your words of acceptance are important to me.

B. I like to be together when we do things.
A. I like the kind words you say to me.

E. I feel whole when we hug.
D. What you do affects me more than what you say.

A. I value your praise and try to avoid your criticism.
C. Several inexpensive gifts mean more to me than one large expensive gift.

E. I feel closer to you when you touch me.
B. I feel close when we are talking or doing something together.

A. I like you to compliment my achievements.
D. I know you love me when you do things for me that you don’t enjoy doing. TURN OVER

E. I like for you to touch me when you walk by.
B. I like when you listen to me sympathetically.

C. I really enjoy receiving gifts from you.
D. I feel loved when you help me with my home projects.

A. I like when you compliment my appearance.
B. I feel loved when you take the time to understand my feelings.

E. I feel secure when you are touching me.
D. Your acts of service make me feel loved.

D. I appreciate the many things you do for me.
C. I like receiving gifts that you make.

B. I really enjoy the feeling I get when you give me your undivided attention.
D. I really enjoy the feeling I get when you do some act of service for me.

C. I feel loved when you celebrate my birthday with a gift.
A. I feel loved when you celebrate my birthday with meaningful words (written or spoken.)

D. I feel loved when you help me out with my chores.
C. I know you are thinking of me when you give me a gift.

C. I appreciate it when you remember special days with a gift.
B. I appreciate it when you listen patiently and don’t interrupt me.

B. I enjoy extended trips with you.
D. I like to know that you are concerned enough to help me with my daily task.

E. Kissing me unexpectedly makes me feel loved.
C. Giving me a gift for no occasion makes me feel loved.

A. I like to be told that you appreciate me.
B. I like for you to look at me when we are talking.

C. Your gifts are always special to me.
E. I feel loved when you kiss me.

A. I feel loved when you tell me how much you appreciate me.
D. I feel loved when you enthusiastically do a task I have requested.

E. I need to be hugged by you every day.
A. I need your words of affirmation daily.

A. Words of Affirmation B. Quality Time C. Receiving Gifts D. Acts of Service E. Physical Touch

Curious as to my scores? A: 11 B: 5 C: 1 D: 7 E. 7

Feel free to share your scores

Puzzles

The other day, I borrowed a 1000-piece puzzle from a friend, today I decided to start assembling it. Puzzle enthusiasts have various methods of sorting pieces—some opt for shapes, while others, like myself, prefer sorting by color. However, it’s common for most people to start by connecting the puzzle’s edges. As I searched for and interlocked these edges, I reflected on how our lives resemble puzzles. Much like assembling a puzzle’s edges define its boundaries, we establish connections and boundaries in our lives.

Puzzles come with different borders—rectangle and round being the most prevalent. However, there are those puzzles with irregular borders and even rare puzzles that are three-dimensional. If you liken your life to a puzzle, do you conform to the norm with a rectangular or round border? Or do your life’s borders take on irregular or three-dimensional forms?

Life experiences can create well-defined borders, akin to rectangular or round puzzles. On the other hand, experiences can blur your boundaries into irregular shapes, making it challenging to determine where your limits lie. In such cases, people may unintentionally bump into your boundaries, resulting in potential harm for either or both parties.

Then there are those extraordinary lives that transform the complexities of life into a magnificent three-dimensional creation. Only the creator understands the pains endured to piece it all together. Yet the casual observer only sees a masterful, robust, and functional masterpiece. I aspire to be such a three-dimensional creation.