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Waiting Part 2

In a previous post, I touched on the topic of patiently waiting for that elusive relationship built on trust and respect. Recently, someone inquired about what I desired in a relationship, and my response, while seemingly straightforward, carries its fair share of complexity and contradictions. I yearn for my own “Knight in Shining Armor,” yet I don’t perceive myself as dependent on a provider or in need of saving. I have a Savior in my life already, though our current rapport isn’t at its best – but that’s a tale for another time. Today, I wish to delve into the things I long for in a relationship and ponder whether they’re mere fantasies.

Can these desires truly exist in reality? Join me as I indulge in some daydreaming about the qualities I’d like to experience in a relationship. I’m aware that this list might not be exhaustive, and it’s likely influenced by romance novels and movies. Nevertheless, here it goes: I aspire to have the kind of relationship that prompts onlookers to think, “Wow, they genuinely love each other” when they see us together. I want those moments when our gazes lock across the room, and we intuitively understand each other’s thoughts. I yearn for times when I’m at the stove, and his arms encircle me, causing us to forget about cooking as we turn off the stove. I long for cozy, rainy days spent intertwined in bed, snuggling. I crave receiving a midday phone call instructing me to arrange care for the dog and pack a bag. I want to be the person he turns to when celebrating successes or when things go awry. I envision us writing heartfelt poems to one another. I aspire to be best friends while still encouraging one another to maintain friendships outside of our partnership. I want to feel cherished, desired, and loved. I hope we’re mature enough to agree to disagree and resolve conflicts before bedtime. Essentially, I desire my knight in shining armor, my prince charming, my soulmate, my other half.

So, can this cherished fantasy genuinely exist in the real world? If you were to inquire about my prayer today, I’d respond: “Let me find my partner; they don’t need to be flawless, but they must love me. OR Help me to accept that these idea’s are mere fantasies’ and stuff that dreams are made of.”

Judgement

Recall the age-old adage, “Walk a Mile in My Shoes.” Often, people voice their viewpoints as if they are facts, inadvertently failing to recognize that they are, in fact, passing judgment. They do so based on their own personal experiences or the experiences of others, without pausing to empathize with a different perspective. I don’t wish to be critical, but I do want to pose a few questions.

Could it be that people overlook the possibility that others have lived different lives? Or are they merely echoing what they’ve been taught? It could also be a lack of understanding regarding how sensitive certain topics might be for others. I sincerely hope it’s not a lack of empathy. I would prefer to believe that most people make these remarks out of sheer ignorance rather than a callous disregard for the potential harm their opinions may cause. I acknowledge that we all say things we later regret, and that we’re all guilty of speaking without thinking. Furthermore, we all engage in discussions about subjects we know little about, often mistaking common sayings for factual truths.

Let me always remember to weigh my words carefully. Let me acknowledge that my life experiences diverge from those of others. Let me remind myself that not everyone needs to hear my perspective. Above all, let me never pass judgment until I’ve “walked a mile in their shoes.”

Bucket List Adventures!

After extensive planning and some initial apprehension, I finally took the plunge! I embarked on my first journey outside the United States, heading to Dublin, Ireland. Initially, when I envisioned this adventure, I thought a friend would accompany me. However, when she couldn’t make it, I summoned the courage to go on my own. It was a bold decision, but I was determined to explore a foreign country, dine at restaurants solo, and navigate through unfamiliar city streets. And you know what? I did it! I am immensely grateful for this incredible opportunity, and I’ve to share the link to the Google Slides presentation I’ve put together.

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/e/2PACX-1vSNJoNMNwf95l2ar2hz6mHa9H4CVtX5soRlgGpHAvf_6hA_357jtkLnYeAqgjquh8AUNVl1MKFhwnez/pub?start=false&loop=false&delayms=3000

Excitement vs Stress

Vacation, the Bucket List, Travel, International adventures – all of these concepts sound incredibly exciting, don’t they? However, the anxiety that comes with creating and double, or even triple-checking your list, constantly adding items, the nagging fear of forgetting something essential – it can be overwhelming. I may tell myself that I am a capable, independent person who can manage everything on my own. I’ve got this, right? But deep down, I can’t help but feel a twinge of fear and uncertainty. After all, I never navigated customs, and traveling solo is an entirely new experience. Doubts creep in: Have I made a mistake in my planning? Is there something crucial I’ve overlooked? What more should I be doing to prepare?

Is this “fun” worth all the anxiety? The trip is bought and paid for and it would be embarassing to cancel it all now… So UP UP and a WAY!

Come On People

In recent days, I’ve encountered some of the most self-centered individuals I’ve ever come across. Has basic decency and compassion disappeared? What happened to the golden rule of treating others as you’d like to be treated? It’s not about mere politeness; it’s about our fundamental humanity. Everyone be entitled to basic human dignity? Since when did speaking without any thought or considering the impact of our words become acceptable? Come on, folks! Is it too much to ask to treat others with respect? Why is it okay to waste someone’s time? Why is it acceptable to disregard someone’s feelings entirely?

When someone opens up and shares something personal, what gives us the right to be judgmental and cruel? Has the COVID pandemic rewritten all the rules the of empathy? Has isolation so drastically altered and warped society that people have forgotten how to be decent human beings? Hey guess what? Not everyone thinks, acts, or experiences life the same way. Is it really so difficult to be kind? You don’t have to understand everything about someone; just accept them, and realize that they have feelings and they have hurts, and experiences in life that may differ from your own. They deserve your respect, and they deserve consideration. It’s called human decency.

Waiting

Throughout my life, I’ve often found myself waiting. During my childhood, I waited my Mother’s arrival to rescue me from the clutches of Mr. Hammon, my abuser. As I grew older, I waited for the day I could leave home, unaware that a different kind of hardship awaited me. Yet again, I found myself waiting for an escape.

I recall after my first divorce, returning from work to an empty house was a mix of relief and sadness. It felt liberating not to have demands placed on me, but also melancholic to lack someone eagerly waiting for my return. I seem like I am always waiting. Currently, I’m in a moment of waiting as I count down the hours until I meet a friend for a morning hike. However, another form of waiting persists within me.

It’s been two years since my marriage ended, and while I’m grateful for this phase of my life, a sense of waiting lingers. Perhaps I’m waiting for something elusive, a dream that might not even be attainable. Is this prolonged waiting futile? Should I release my expectations and relinquish hope for the kind of relationship founded on trust and respect? Is it wise to continue this waiting game or should I make peace with the possibility that such a relationship might remain beyond my grasp? Would I experience emotional relief by putting an end to this waiting?

And what if those aspirations simply fade away? How would life unfold if I ceased waiting altogether?

Respect

If you look in Webster’s dictionary, the third definition of “Respect” is as follows: a) a strong or special regard, akin to ESTEEM, b) the characteristic or state of being held in high esteem, c) respects in plural form, denoting expressions of elevated regard or deference. To esteem, is to assign value, holding in high regard, and treasure. So, what does the respect truly entail within interpersonal relationships? Far too frequently, I observe instances illustrating the absence of respect. These manifest as harsh words, disdainful attitudes, an absence of concern, and a disregard for the feelings of others. Where as when, you respect your partner you value them as individuals, you hold treasure them, and desire the best for them.

I am firmly convinced that relationships cannot endure without respect. Once respect is forfeited, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship deteriorates. I’m of the belief that love cannot genuinely exist without respect. I think respect is one of the fundamental pillars supporting love. If you hold affection for someone, respect becomes an inherent component. But I question is it possible to rekindle lost respect? In other words, if love was once present but respect eroded, can respect be restored, thus allowing love to rekindle? I’ve personally encountered situations where respect was lost, only to realize that respect had never existed from the outset. Determining whether someone respects you remains a puzzle.

I’ve experienced the consequences of insufficient respect – I know what happens when a seemingly an affectionate partnership crumbles because respect is lost by one side is lost. I wonder though have any of my relationships ever had the respect that is needed to foster true love. I would venture to speculate the answer is no. And somehow that is extremely sad.

When it come to the Heart

The human heart on an average, it weighs between 6 to 11 ounces and maintains a resting heart rate of 60 to 100 beats per minute. With 1,440 minutes in a 24-hour span, the human heart beats approximately 86,400 to 144,000 times daily at rest. These numbers reflect the physical heart’s norms, and any deviation from this rhythm could indicate underlying issues. Some individuals suffering from heart conditions are aware of their condition, while others are not. Modern medical advancements have significantly progressed in treating cardiac ailments, utilizing medications, pacemakers, and various surgical techniques to enhance heart health. While most, treatments attempt “fix” the “broken” heart facts remain that most treatments are stop gap measures.

However, what about the other heart? Our emotional heart, is a “broken heart” considering an a real aliment? With the focus of mental and emotional well-being in today’s society, most likely the “broken hearted” would be considered to have a mental illness. Furthermore, what is considered sever mental illness? Have you ever pondered the number of individuals silently bearing emotional wounds? Is a “broken heart” an inevitable part of the human experience? I doubt there is an adult alive that hasn’t suffered at one time in their lives with a “broken heart”. But how many of us are silently nursing emotional wounds inflicted by callous individuals?

How many of us move through life carrying inner pain that goes unnoticed until the slightest trigger leads to an outpouring of emotion, whether in the form of an explosion or uncontrollable tears? The weight of disappointment and emotional pain can reach such heights that we can become frozen, unable to move forward. Or we become desensitized to our own suffering, deigning that we have any feelings one way or the other. We construct barriers around our hearts, attempting to shield ourselves from further harm and develop trust issues The question arises: is this self-imposed isolation truly worth the avoidance of potential pain?

I have friends, both women and men, who, because of their emotional wounds, choose to isolate themselves from the possibility of new relationships. Their hearts have been shattered, leading them to believe that navigating life alone is preferable to the risk of encountering emotional hurt again. But despite the anguish I’ve endured and the tears I’ve shed, I reject the notion that love is unattainable for me.

Do I grapple with trust issues? Undoubtedly. Am I haunted by the fear of being hurt and disillusioned once more? Absolutely. Yet, what alternative is there? The prospect of a solitary existence? I refuse to accept that outcome. Perhaps that’s the eventual course life takes, but for now, I remain committed to the pursuit of that one person willing to walk the same path alongside me.