Allow me a moment of your time. As I embark on my New Year’s resolution to actively seek happiness regardless of the circumstances, it seems essential to articulate my personal understanding of this elusive concept. There’s a particular song that resonates deeply with me, almost as if the songwriter had an uncanny insight into my own experiences.
Love Me Like That by Sam Kim.
I get defensive and insecure My own worst critic Behind a closing door I am fragile And fractured that's for sure I burned myself down to the ground Oh, can I ask of you To treat me soft and tender Love me hard and true Keep my heart from building walls So high, you can't get through Treat me soft and tender Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? I'll just keep repeating it In case you didn't catch me Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? Can you love me like that? You see the world in colors I view it black and white Paint me a picture Out of the lines that I live in all of the time Treat me soft tender And love me hard and true Ah I burned myself down to the ground Oh can I ask you to treat me soft and tender Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? Ooh can you love me like Can you love me like that? I'll just keep repeating it (I'll just keep) In case you didn't catch me (case you catch) Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? Sunshine left today Got caught in the rain, all alone Can you come and pick me up from my blues? Or am I late to ask you? Love me soft and tender Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? Ooh, can you love like Can you love me like that? I'll just keep repeating it (I'll just keep) In case you didn't catch me (case you catch) Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that? Ooh, can you love like Can you love me like Can you love me like that? I'll just keep repeating it (I'll just keep) In case you didn't catch me (case you catch) Ooh, can you love like Can you love like Can you love me like that?
Is my definition of happiness contingent on finding someone capable of loving me in such a way? Not really, or rather, not at all. I recognize that my happiness is not hinged upon someone else but is an internal affair. I understand that seeking external sources or relying on others to bring me joy is not the solution. Nevertheless, I can indulge in the fantasy of such a scenario. Because I am defensive and insecure, my own worst critic and I am fragile and fractured that is for sure. My heart does build up walls so that no one can get through. I don’t see the world colors but my world is black and white. So yes I want someone who can see the real me and love me anyway. Will that make me happy? I don’t know but I sure would like give it a try. 🙂