When you embrace the notion of vulnerability, there are inherent risks involved. Are you offering your heart, only to have it shattered? It can be a daunting process, but I understand that in order to achieve personal growth and the desires of my heart, taking risks are necessary. Sometimes, I question whether I’m living under an illusion. Are people genuinely as self-assured as they appear, or do they, like me, put on a facade?
The concept of wearing a mask reminds me of applying makeup. I start with a clean, bare face and use moisturizer as a protective barrier against dryness, dirt, and the sun’s harsh rays. Ironically, I also begin my days by putting on an emotional shield. It serves as a barrier, preventing tears hidden beneath the surface from escaping and safeguarding my heart against potential harm.
Next, I apply concealer to camouflage perceived flaws. Although I’d like to believe that the concealer hides these imperfections from others, I suspect that they still shine through. The foundation that follows helps blend my skin tones, creating a smooth and flawless facade. However, regardless of how much concealer and foundation I wear, I don’t think I can truly conceal the side of myself I desperately want to hide—the side that desires to appear composed and self-assured. I strive to be a master illusionist, but as quickly as a new friend “read me,” I realize I’m not as skilled at concealing as I had hoped.
After concealer and foundation, I apply bronzer and blush. These items contribute to the illusion of a healthy and youthful appearance. Adding a sun-kissed glow to the forehead and contouring under the cheekbones creates contrast and interest. A touch of color on the cheeks completes this part of the mask I present to the world. I’ve always aimed for a natural and subtle look, avoiding excessive makeup that appears caked on or artificial. However, the other mask I wear is most likely easier to detect than I would like. Perceptive individuals can admire the effort I put into it but still discern the subtle wrinkles, imperfections, and insecurities that fear produces.
In my makeup routine, I then focus on the eyes, often considered the “window to the soul.” Applying eyeshadow, liner, and mascara adds a touch of mystery. All the while, I hope that this curtain will discourage anyone from delving too deeply inside. Sometimes, I even apply a bit of color to my lips, attempting to divert attention. All in an attempt to hide from those who scrutinize too closely and notice the cracks in my mask or the pain reflected in my eyes.
But alas, I desperately want to stop hiding behind the mask. As I embark on a new and exciting journey, I pray that those who choose to accompany me will challenge, encourage, and demonstrate patience with me.